That Winter, The Wind Blows

That Winter, The Wind Blows, is a korean drama starring Zo In-sung (Jo In-sung) and Song Hye Kyo, which are by the way my favorite Korean actor!

It's a romantic melodrama about a man Oh Song (Zo In-sung) and a blind woman Oh Young (Song Hye Kyo) who don’t believe in love. Oh Soo is an orphan who is left heartbroken later in life after his first love passes away and comes to lead a goal-less life as a high stakes gambler. Oh Young is a lonely heiress who feels she must look after others and herself after her parents get divorced and she finds herself becoming visually impaired. The two will come to find the true meaning of love after meeting each other.

I do understand the cheating part but not the I'm "still" staying part

I am not fan of cheating. I hate it and I don't want it.

I understand the concept of cheating, I really do.

I think it's the temptation that excites us. It's the feeling of defying the rules.

It's the thrill of having this attraction for someone and the fact that your not allowed because your in a relationship. The concept of "not right" makes it more in tense and exciting for others. People do things that are against the rule because they think it's fun. Anything that is "not allowed" and doing that seems so fun.

It's pathetic but it's true.

Some cheat because they got fed up with their relationship. And or that they felt more attraction to the other party. I totally get the point of why people cheat... It's because they are not satisfied.

But I don't see the whole point of staying? Why stay if you're not satisfied? It may sound like I am also questioning why cheat if you can just leave? Maybe what I really get was the one time cheating but not the continuous cheating.

I think those who constantly cheats (which means they're still staying with their original/legal lover) are cowards, weak and insecure. Cheating doesn't make you a man, it makes you less than a man - it makes you a boy - a jerk. For woman, cheating doesn't make you beautiful or the hot gorgeous chick - it makes you a selfish bitch.

I don't get it why you stay in a relationship that doesn't satisfy you? Oh! Maybe because you can't be satisfied with "one" relationship which makes you psychologically unhealthy.

I don't get it why you still accept the person who constantly cheats? Why? WHY?

Okay, maybe it's because you love that person but does that person truly loves you? Once is enough, but twice is way too much. I can forgive the one time cheat but not the continuous one - not the over and over again.

For those martyr out there, wake up! No one deserve to be treated like that. You must accept the love that you think you deserve! And don't tell me that you deserve less. You don't - we don't. As long as we know how to love, we deserve to be loved.

I want to believe in love

I want to believe in fairy tales. It's ironic that it took me a long time to actually want to believe in.
When I was young, I hate fairy tales. I love watching cartoons before so of course I do watched those things, but never once occur to me about those happy ever after. Those forever love... those happy ending with your prince charming. I never really thought about those things. I never even actually think about me settling down with a man have kids with him and have a happy ending.

I never believed in those things. I never believe that there's a loyal person out there. I never believed that there's a man out there who wont cheat. My father is a cheater so you can't blame me with that. I never met someone who's you know happily married and doesn't have a history of cheating it's either by their husband or her. Though, of course they are all married because there's no divorce here!

It's funny really how can the Fifty Shades Trilogy makes me wanna believe in happily ever after. That love is possible. That there's this one guy - your soul mate that won't cheat on you. After reading Fifty Shades I've been reading a lot of romance novel and again they makes me wanna believe that it is possible.

Now, I want to believe. I want to hope. Maybe I'll take risk with that... Maybe it's worth a try. Maybe just maybe... I want ti believe that there's someone out there! That there's someone that God made just to be with me. I want to believe in that...

I don't know when will I find that person. I don't know when will God let us meet. But I am willing to wait... I want to believe... And maybe someday I'll just say I just don't believe in that... I want to say that I know...

Love me

We all want to loved. We all want to be loved. Love makes the world go round. Love makes the world beautiful. Love. Love. Love. It's a wonderful feeling.

The feeling of being in love is wonderful and I bet the feeling that you are beloved is beyond wonderful.

I want that. We all want that. Some are afraid, while some are confused, and then those have the courage bet it all in love.

I think falling in love is a gamble. You risk everything. Before, I never really get it why they said that love is a gamble... Now I get it.

I pretend to be strong. I hate being vulnerable. Not once in my life I showed the vulnerable side of me - the loving side of me. I never been so affections. I am shy, timid, coward..

I had a glimpse of a broken heart, my heart was once broken and my self-esteem got broken too. I was a messed, and I was afraid that it will happen again. So I shutdown myself. I decided not love. I decided not to let anyone love me again. It was a wrong move of mine. It was wrong to let myself be broken just because of what I thought what love is.

It's been almost 5 years, but I don't think I'm ready for love yet... but this time I want love and I am getting ready for it. I am getting ready for it! I think I already told you about that? But anywas, I'm telling you all this again.

I am on my way to you love ♥ so wait for me, I'm on my way ♥♥♥

I want to be the best me when I see you, then we can make the both of us better. :)

We fall in love for a reason.

So I've been reading all this crap fb post about love & I've been receiving text messages about love. What annoys me the most are the lines like this:
 "You don't need a reason to fall in love" 
"I love you for no reason"
 "I don't need a reason to fall in love with you!" 

That's bullshit men! I mean, how can you fall in love with that person for no reason? There's a reason for everything. Everything happens for a reason!

We fall in love with a reason, and we fall out love with reason.

If you fall in love with that person for no reason, then definitely you'll fall out of love for no reason too.
Just imagine a situation where the one you love got switched with someone else body. Can you still say that you love that person just because he got the body of the one you truly love?? Come on dude. It's like saying that you just fall for the physical appearance!
Or just imagine the one you love got into an accident and he/she just had a major face surgery and he/she have a complete different face now. Like your looking at a different person now, will you still love that person? of course you will! Well, if you love him/her with right reasons.

I would rather hear someone say "I have a lots of reason not to love you, but there's just one reason why I love you and that is stronger than those lots of reason" - It's like saying goodness will always prevails. It's how we choose to look at things. And it also how God loves.


We all love with a reason - we all must love with a reason! So whenever things got a little bit of out of place, you'll just think and remember why do you love that person? What makes you love him/her?
Remember why you fall in love for that person. It will be also the reason why you'll want to stay despite all the problems your facing.

If things gone a little bit of shitty, think again. Think why you fall in love with person. Why do you love him/her? And if the reason are still there, then stay. Though if you feel like everything is too much, you can leave.

It must be hard.

It's 1:31 AM and I am listening to Jason Marz "I won't give up".

Have you ever been hurt by someone you truly love? To someone you trusted? To someone you least expected to hurt you?

This is the story for this um midnight?

Story begin! :


He lied to me... Not once occurs to me that he could do it. He knows - he damn well knows I hate lying. That I hate cheating. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone around me.
He was my partner in crime, my best friend, my love of my life... He was my home.

I trust him.
I trusted him... but he... lied... he cheated.

He told me it was brief, that it was just one time. YEA. ONE TIME?!
One fucking time, he was messing up, fucking up someone!

It hurts. It hurts so bad. I don't what hurts more, the fact that he didn't love me (while he was doing that, I assume) or the fact that I can't trust him anymore.

"I'm so sorry..." He pleaded. I just looked at him down on his knees. I was in tears, but I am trying to push away the tears. I am trying not to cry out loud and my throat is burning because of that.

I want to run away - away from here. I need too. I need to get out of here. I can't stay here anymore. It was just too much to bare. I can't let myself trust him again. I can't love someone who lies, who cheats. I can't. It's the least thing I wanted. I stay away from that kind of people, because I know I will just end up like my mother.

But in the end, he cheated. Just like my dad. I was about to believe in fairy tales... in happy endings, and maybe I did believed in that with him. I thought he was different. I thought he love me enough not to hurt me... but I was wrong. With just one snap of seduction, he gave in - without thinking of me.

I feel sick - I am at dazed. What am I supposed to do? I know I have to leave now... but he was on his knees begging for me to forgive him. He won't let go of my hand as he kissed it. I could hear him sob, I could feel his tears.

It hurts, this time it hurts to see him like that. I never seen him like that. He was hurt I can tell but I am hurt too.

"Please, stay. I am so sorry. It won't happen again." He grabbed my hips. I pushed him away. I can't do this. I can't stay...

"Stop" I asked him. I couldn't hear my entire voice. I tried not to choke. My throat hurts, it's burning trying to suppressed the tears. As I pushed his hands away from me, I started walking on the door. My knees are trembling. I want to run but my knees won't let me...

As I was getting closer to the door he grabbed my hand and hugged me. He hugged me so tight that it hurts. It hurts because he once had hugged someone with this arms. It hurts that I'll be missing his hugs and kisses. It hurts that I am not sure if it was true anymore....

He was strong, I can't push him away or maybe I couldn't because I didn't want to. I always enjoyed hugs with him but maybe not this time. I indulged myself for a moment, knowing it will be the last time.

"Let go, please" This time I was begging. Begging for me to let me go. I want to keep my sanity. I need my sanity.

"Noooo" He kissed my hair. He always does that, and doing that again makes my heart race. Makes me have second thoughts and I hate that.

"Stop. PLEASE. PLEASE let me go. I can't trust you anymore" I said, still pleading. My vision is blurred from tears. My migraine starts to kick in.

"I'll do everything... Just, just don't leave me."
"I'll do anything just don't leave. I know I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just one more chance, PLEASE!" He hugged me tighter and this time I couldn't breath. He noticed it, he loosen up and drop his hands on my arms.

I don't want to him to see my eyes and I don't want to see his face. I looked over to my shoulders as I wipe my tears.
I grab my bag and opened the door.

"NOOOOO!" He shouted. "PLEASE" he tried to close the door but I was fast enough to get out. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. I didn't looked back. I don't want to looked back, but I know he was chasing me.

One more step and I'm out of this building.

He grabbed my hand. This time I see his face, it was not the face that I used to see. Not the face that brighten up my day. The sweet smile of his was gone. His face is a mess. It looks like he didn't get any sleep. He hair is a mess. He is a mess.

"Please don't go.... please. please. please." He was crying, crying so hard. He didn't even cry at his father funeral. He didn't even cry when he lost his dream job. "please, I swear I'll do anything. Just please forgive up." he said.

I want to forgive him. And to be honest, maybe I already did forgive him. But maybe it was me who can't forgive myself  Maybe it was my fault that he cheated. Maybe I didn't satisfy his sexual desire? It hurts that I am not enough.

I already forgive him... but I don't know if I can trust him again - not anymore. Forgiving doesn't mean trusting again. I saw my mom in tears a lot of times that I even lost count. And I won't end up like that. I won't allow myself to end up like that.

It was hard for me to see him like this. It hurts to see him being hurt, but I am hurt too. Again, I can't do this shit. So I gathered all my strength and told him.

"I forgive you. But I can't stay with you"
"I can't trust you anymore." I inhaled deeply. "The least you could do for me is to leave me alone." I added.
"I can't! I love you! I love you so much!" he shouted in vain.

Ugh. I could feel my stomach crumbled. I laughed. I laughed in tears.

"HA! Well damn that love!! You love me? Fuck you! You don't cheat to someone you love! you called it loving? Then screw you!" I punch his chest in anger.

"I know I was wrong and it won't happen again. It was.. It was just one night" he said, he didn't shout though.

"Well. That must be a night in heaven. GOODBYE! You might as well enjoy your freedom tonight! And OH! Call her! bang her into our sheets!" I said. I opened open the last door into the apartment.

I saw Mike waiting for me. I told him to pick me up.

"Heyy" he tried to sound not worried but it was still so obvious.

"Let's go!" I grabbed him and walked into his car. Before I could go inside the car Ivan stopped me.

"You can't get in this car!!" He shouted. I could see his eyes burning in anger. His grip into my left arm is much tighter now.

"Let her go." Mike warned.

"Stay away from this man" this time Ivan garbed Mike shirt.

"Stop!! Put your hands off him!" I shouted as I push him away from Mike.

He tried to calm down. he brush his hair with his fingers. I like touching those hair. I like brushing off his hair with my fingers. I like holding his hands. Thoughts of us showers into my head. Before I get lost, I stopped those thoughts.

"Please stay. Please. We'll talk this through." He cupped his hands into my face. Oh I love when he does that. His hands are always so warm. He kissed my cheeks.

"Stop. please. don't do this to me" I looked down, but he keeps my chin up. Letting me look at his green eyes. The green eyes that I loved seeing. His eyes were red from crying though, but it was still the eyes that sees through me.

"Forgive me. Let's talk this over" He's hands are warm, it makes me feel comfortable.
I want to be with him again, but images of him touching whoever that bitch brunette with whom they tell have a Victoria secrets model body flashes into my mind. It makes me sick, I want to threw up. i tried to calm down.

I took a deep breath and said
"We already talked this over. And were DONE" I emphasize the word done even though I don't want too. But this is what I needed to do.

"PLEASE" His forehead touch mind. I pushed him away before I do somethings stupid like kissing him. I get into Mike's car as soon as I pushed him.

He was smashing with his muscled arm the side of the car.

"Let's go" I said to Mike.

He started the engine and drove off.
Ivan was chasing us... He was running bare foot. I didn't realize he was barefoot, he wouldn't even go out like. He was running fast. Trying to chase us... but Mike is driving quite faster than usual.

It hurts to see Ivan chasing me like that. It hurts to see him hurt and running so fast like a dog chasing me. I don't want to see him like that.

Oh Lord. Please don't let him get hurt. I close my eyes and keep on crying for a seconds. As I looked back again, he was not there anymore...


The last looked I had of him was him chasing me, crying... and I am crying...



**************END************



Not exactly the original story line that was in my head but it was close too. I was actually inspired by Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson story. Um well the cheating thing.

It must be so hard for Rob, he's torn apart. He's confused and doesn't know what to do. He loved her, so much that it hurts. It hurts that she cheated but at the same time it hurts seeing her begging to him.
I can't imagine how Rob manage that.

Well, I am not for Kristen Stewart. I loved Rob and wished he could get over her but then that wouldn't be easy. I suddenly feel kinda envious of Stewart. She's so pretty! Well, awkward pretty and I kinda want to have that kinda pretty. That was sort of my ideal look - well better than that.

Anyways, thanks to the novels I've been reading and I'm getting a little bit of inspiration here.

Hi readers

I have a lot of pending post here. I want to post it as soon as possible, but it's not yet done. Of course it's about love, 2 of them are really important matter for me that I would to post that's why I want to polish it first.

The first one that I would like to post is a book review of Seduced in the Dark by C.J Roberts. I had a huge realization here that I would like to share with you guys. But lately my english mode is off, I couldn't express myself clearly. I don't want to post it without expressing myself clearly. I want you to understand me. I want you to see my point.

The second one that I am dying to post is about love again (this blog is all about love), but that is loving has a reason. It annoys me reading stuff about love saying that you love that person for no reason, that's bullshit!


Anyways, I hope I can post it as soon as possible. Though I doubt that since I am not working on it. Lol - I'm going to finish first all the novels that I must read.

What to do to be loved?

Sometimes we asked to ourselves...

"What's wrong with me?"

"Why not me?"

"What should I do?"

"Should I change myself for you to like me?"

The thing is, we all want to be loved. Admit it! We all do need love. Who doesn't need love? Love makes the world go round. Anyways, weeks ago I suddenly asked  myself "Who you are?" lol. Yes, I did asked myself that. Sometimes I get confused who's the real me? I have this different personas depending to who I'm with. But of course i get to keep some of my characteristics. It's just that sometimes I act different when I'm with guys - guys whom I like. I don't know, am I acting cute? or hard to get? It's like I'm so desperate for them to like me but well I know for sure that I don't look desperate but that was also my plan - not to look so desperate. It sound so child like, huh?

Okay so I realized that it so pathetic of me to change and to act like someone who I'm not in front of someone I like. Before I figured out what to do in order to be loved, I found this article in yahoo that mention what guys like in girls or what man prefer - what attracts them. So I read and read, then I realized that well it sound just like me - well some of it. So I actually laughed at myself for being so pathetic.

I realized that I don't have to pleased anyone. I don't have to act like someone else. I just have to be me. I just have to be true to myself. Be the real me and let them love the real me. I think what attracts man most are those girls who are not afraid to be themselves. Girls who's true. And besides if they love me because of my character at the moment then they don't really love the real me so we will be just both end up tired at each other.

So from now on, I won't act. I'll just be myself and whether they love me or not it's up to them.

And I do believed that someone will love me just the way I am. I know, definitely! :)

So everyone - man or woman, homo-bi-straight, just stay true! Be yourself someone will love you just the way you are. Someone out there will find your personality attractive. Someone out there will love us, so stay true! :)