It must be hard.

It's 1:31 AM and I am listening to Jason Marz "I won't give up".

Have you ever been hurt by someone you truly love? To someone you trusted? To someone you least expected to hurt you?

This is the story for this um midnight?

Story begin! :


He lied to me... Not once occurs to me that he could do it. He knows - he damn well knows I hate lying. That I hate cheating. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone around me.
He was my partner in crime, my best friend, my love of my life... He was my home.

I trust him.
I trusted him... but he... lied... he cheated.

He told me it was brief, that it was just one time. YEA. ONE TIME?!
One fucking time, he was messing up, fucking up someone!

It hurts. It hurts so bad. I don't what hurts more, the fact that he didn't love me (while he was doing that, I assume) or the fact that I can't trust him anymore.

"I'm so sorry..." He pleaded. I just looked at him down on his knees. I was in tears, but I am trying to push away the tears. I am trying not to cry out loud and my throat is burning because of that.

I want to run away - away from here. I need too. I need to get out of here. I can't stay here anymore. It was just too much to bare. I can't let myself trust him again. I can't love someone who lies, who cheats. I can't. It's the least thing I wanted. I stay away from that kind of people, because I know I will just end up like my mother.

But in the end, he cheated. Just like my dad. I was about to believe in fairy tales... in happy endings, and maybe I did believed in that with him. I thought he was different. I thought he love me enough not to hurt me... but I was wrong. With just one snap of seduction, he gave in - without thinking of me.

I feel sick - I am at dazed. What am I supposed to do? I know I have to leave now... but he was on his knees begging for me to forgive him. He won't let go of my hand as he kissed it. I could hear him sob, I could feel his tears.

It hurts, this time it hurts to see him like that. I never seen him like that. He was hurt I can tell but I am hurt too.

"Please, stay. I am so sorry. It won't happen again." He grabbed my hips. I pushed him away. I can't do this. I can't stay...

"Stop" I asked him. I couldn't hear my entire voice. I tried not to choke. My throat hurts, it's burning trying to suppressed the tears. As I pushed his hands away from me, I started walking on the door. My knees are trembling. I want to run but my knees won't let me...

As I was getting closer to the door he grabbed my hand and hugged me. He hugged me so tight that it hurts. It hurts because he once had hugged someone with this arms. It hurts that I'll be missing his hugs and kisses. It hurts that I am not sure if it was true anymore....

He was strong, I can't push him away or maybe I couldn't because I didn't want to. I always enjoyed hugs with him but maybe not this time. I indulged myself for a moment, knowing it will be the last time.

"Let go, please" This time I was begging. Begging for me to let me go. I want to keep my sanity. I need my sanity.

"Noooo" He kissed my hair. He always does that, and doing that again makes my heart race. Makes me have second thoughts and I hate that.

"Stop. PLEASE. PLEASE let me go. I can't trust you anymore" I said, still pleading. My vision is blurred from tears. My migraine starts to kick in.

"I'll do everything... Just, just don't leave me."
"I'll do anything just don't leave. I know I was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just one more chance, PLEASE!" He hugged me tighter and this time I couldn't breath. He noticed it, he loosen up and drop his hands on my arms.

I don't want to him to see my eyes and I don't want to see his face. I looked over to my shoulders as I wipe my tears.
I grab my bag and opened the door.

"NOOOOO!" He shouted. "PLEASE" he tried to close the door but I was fast enough to get out. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could. I didn't looked back. I don't want to looked back, but I know he was chasing me.

One more step and I'm out of this building.

He grabbed my hand. This time I see his face, it was not the face that I used to see. Not the face that brighten up my day. The sweet smile of his was gone. His face is a mess. It looks like he didn't get any sleep. He hair is a mess. He is a mess.

"Please don't go.... please. please. please." He was crying, crying so hard. He didn't even cry at his father funeral. He didn't even cry when he lost his dream job. "please, I swear I'll do anything. Just please forgive up." he said.

I want to forgive him. And to be honest, maybe I already did forgive him. But maybe it was me who can't forgive myself  Maybe it was my fault that he cheated. Maybe I didn't satisfy his sexual desire? It hurts that I am not enough.

I already forgive him... but I don't know if I can trust him again - not anymore. Forgiving doesn't mean trusting again. I saw my mom in tears a lot of times that I even lost count. And I won't end up like that. I won't allow myself to end up like that.

It was hard for me to see him like this. It hurts to see him being hurt, but I am hurt too. Again, I can't do this shit. So I gathered all my strength and told him.

"I forgive you. But I can't stay with you"
"I can't trust you anymore." I inhaled deeply. "The least you could do for me is to leave me alone." I added.
"I can't! I love you! I love you so much!" he shouted in vain.

Ugh. I could feel my stomach crumbled. I laughed. I laughed in tears.

"HA! Well damn that love!! You love me? Fuck you! You don't cheat to someone you love! you called it loving? Then screw you!" I punch his chest in anger.

"I know I was wrong and it won't happen again. It was.. It was just one night" he said, he didn't shout though.

"Well. That must be a night in heaven. GOODBYE! You might as well enjoy your freedom tonight! And OH! Call her! bang her into our sheets!" I said. I opened open the last door into the apartment.

I saw Mike waiting for me. I told him to pick me up.

"Heyy" he tried to sound not worried but it was still so obvious.

"Let's go!" I grabbed him and walked into his car. Before I could go inside the car Ivan stopped me.

"You can't get in this car!!" He shouted. I could see his eyes burning in anger. His grip into my left arm is much tighter now.

"Let her go." Mike warned.

"Stay away from this man" this time Ivan garbed Mike shirt.

"Stop!! Put your hands off him!" I shouted as I push him away from Mike.

He tried to calm down. he brush his hair with his fingers. I like touching those hair. I like brushing off his hair with my fingers. I like holding his hands. Thoughts of us showers into my head. Before I get lost, I stopped those thoughts.

"Please stay. Please. We'll talk this through." He cupped his hands into my face. Oh I love when he does that. His hands are always so warm. He kissed my cheeks.

"Stop. please. don't do this to me" I looked down, but he keeps my chin up. Letting me look at his green eyes. The green eyes that I loved seeing. His eyes were red from crying though, but it was still the eyes that sees through me.

"Forgive me. Let's talk this over" He's hands are warm, it makes me feel comfortable.
I want to be with him again, but images of him touching whoever that bitch brunette with whom they tell have a Victoria secrets model body flashes into my mind. It makes me sick, I want to threw up. i tried to calm down.

I took a deep breath and said
"We already talked this over. And were DONE" I emphasize the word done even though I don't want too. But this is what I needed to do.

"PLEASE" His forehead touch mind. I pushed him away before I do somethings stupid like kissing him. I get into Mike's car as soon as I pushed him.

He was smashing with his muscled arm the side of the car.

"Let's go" I said to Mike.

He started the engine and drove off.
Ivan was chasing us... He was running bare foot. I didn't realize he was barefoot, he wouldn't even go out like. He was running fast. Trying to chase us... but Mike is driving quite faster than usual.

It hurts to see Ivan chasing me like that. It hurts to see him hurt and running so fast like a dog chasing me. I don't want to see him like that.

Oh Lord. Please don't let him get hurt. I close my eyes and keep on crying for a seconds. As I looked back again, he was not there anymore...


The last looked I had of him was him chasing me, crying... and I am crying...



**************END************



Not exactly the original story line that was in my head but it was close too. I was actually inspired by Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson story. Um well the cheating thing.

It must be so hard for Rob, he's torn apart. He's confused and doesn't know what to do. He loved her, so much that it hurts. It hurts that she cheated but at the same time it hurts seeing her begging to him.
I can't imagine how Rob manage that.

Well, I am not for Kristen Stewart. I loved Rob and wished he could get over her but then that wouldn't be easy. I suddenly feel kinda envious of Stewart. She's so pretty! Well, awkward pretty and I kinda want to have that kinda pretty. That was sort of my ideal look - well better than that.

Anyways, thanks to the novels I've been reading and I'm getting a little bit of inspiration here.